The year my life changed.
Fifteen years.
Gone in one conversation.
The thing I built from scratch,
the team I nurtured,
the place I thought I belonged.
Gone.
They told me:
“Pick up your bootstraps.”
“You’ll be okay.”
“Be strong.”
And maybe they were right.
But my body, my mind, my soul
they didn’t get the memo.
For two weeks I smiled.
I told everyone I was fine.
And then the doom crept in.
The anger.
The sadness.
The betrayal.
The fear.
My childhood stutter came back
like a warning flare from my nervous system,
like a ghost from the past,
whispering,
“You’re not safe.”
And I believed it.
I was lost in my own mind,
my own body,
my own soul.
They call it fight-or-flight.
I called it:
“WTF is happening?”
That’s when I found hypnotism.
And it changed everything.
Session after session,
I went back.....
back to the moments that shaped me,
back to the girl who learned to stay quiet,
back to the little me who thought being small
was the only way to survive.
And then I saw her.
I walked up the stairs of PS 22.
I opened the classroom door.
And there she was.
I took her hand.
I carried her out with me.
I whispered:
“I am here.
We are fine.
It’s okay.
We are safe now.
We are not stuck anymore.
We are allowed to speak.”
And something broke open.
Something shifted.
I brought her with me on this journey.
We walked into therapy.
We joined groups.
We volunteered.
We kept going.
I fell down.
I got back up.
I learned.
I grew.
I forgave.
And somewhere along the way
something magical happened.
I stopped living for the job title.
I stopped living for approval.
I stopped asking if I was enough.
Because I am.
And so are you.
If you’re here right now
staring at the ceiling at 2 am,
wondering who you are
without the thing you just lost
let me tell you:
This is not the end.
This is the beginning.
This is the becoming.
(By Lisa V)