I Finally Know Why I Do This.

People-pleasing isn’t love
it’s fear wrapped in a smile,
a habit passed down like an heirloom,
stitched into the fabric of our past.

Do you want to be the person you were programmed to be,
or will you dare to unlearn,
to strip away the weight of expectation
and stand in the light of your authentic self?

I know why I do this.
It’s doctrine.
It’s generational.
It’s the silent rulebook of women before me,
who kept the peace even when it shattered their souls.

Clarity should feel like freedom,
but for someone like me, it is laced with fear.
Fear of standing too tall.
Fear of being too much.
Fear that choosing myself means losing them.

Because life is easier when you serve,
when you don’t speak too loud,
when you make yourself small enough
to keep everyone else comfortable.

I’m not sad that betrayal found me
I’m grateful.
It cracked the foundation I was never meant to stand on,
revealing truths I had buried to keep the peace.

Betrayal comes in many forms,
but if you listen—really listen
it will guide you home
to the self you were meant to be.

Some walk this path with ease,
while others, like me, take the long way.
Through grief, through fire,
through the shedding of old selves.

Every time I step into my truth,
betrayal follows.
And so I retreat...
back into my cocoon of safety,
where I am quiet, where I am accepted,
where I am not too much.

But safety is not freedom.
Hiding is not healing.
And being my authentic self should not be a crime
that makes others uneasy.

If I had the power to shield others from pain, I would.
But healing is a door we must each walk through alone.

So I will stand.
I will choose me.
Because there is no weakness in empathy,
no failure in caring.
There is only the quiet strength
of finally choosing yourself first.